Saturday, 13 February 2010

Not Made Up

It worries me sometimes, you know. In a lot of respects, I'm quite a girly woman. I've no particular desire to do sports, I don't hanker after cars, I don't yearn to do woodwork. I like cooking, I like sewing, I like sad films that make me cry, and happy films that make me cry, and honestly any sort of films that make me cry. So you see, I'm properly girly.

So why is it that I find it so difficult to take an interest in cosmetics?

Virtually every woman I know, and every woman I see, wears at least some form of make up. Bit of mascara here, bit of lip gloss there, bit of concealer all over for all I know. Not me though. Virtually never. Unless I happen to be going somewhere grand, for the majority of the time I look exactly the same when I go out as when I get up or go to bed. And that's not good.

Part of the problem is I don't really know how to use it. My mum's never been a great one to wear make up either - I remember when I was just a little girl, looking through my mum's cosmetic bag and discovering something called Panstick, I believe. At least it appeared to be a cosmetic sort of thing, and looked like an American Tan coloured big fat lipstick. I think it might be some sort of foundation affair, but truthfully with a name like that it could be a saucepan scourer and just kept in the wrong place.

When I try to put make up on, it just looks wrong. I poke myself in the eye when I put mascara on, and then it ends up in one of the eco-friendly bags for life under my eyes. I don't know whether eyeliner's meant to go on the inside of your eyelashes or the outside - either way it makes me look like an auditionee for a stop motion Tim Burton film. I have no real idea of where blusher goes.

So this year, with 42 behind me, I've decided it's time to make an effort.

I've decided to start using moisturiser.

I know, I KNOW. How can I not have used it before?

Because, mainly, well, you know. Mainly because I can't be arsed.

It just seems like a huge load of faffing. When I went to bed before, I could just take my clothes off and be in bed and asleep inside 5 minutes. Now I apply moisturising, anti-wrinkle, pro-age, anti-death cream, and some gucky stuff that's meant to get rid of the dark circles under my eyes, and hand cream like there's no tomorrow. Which there might not be, if all the advertising is true. I'm now a firm believer that if I stop applying it for just one night (or morning), my face will either crumble to dust or implode in on itself, leaving me with an inside out face or just a neck, depending on which cream stops working first.

And does it make one bloody jot of a difference?

Well, here's the strange thing. Actually, it seems to. I've never had so many people tell me how fresh I look. Or how well. And even I can see a mild improvement in the corpse circles under my eyes. Now, I suppose you can take that with a pinch of scepticism - I mean, it could be that some of those people at least are saying that I look fresh now because I looked like a pile of crap before. But it's all relative, innit?

And it makes me feel womanly too. Because now I feel like a proper woman, because this is what they do. I sit happily in bed, applying the creams to my face and hands, looking at the gleaming little pots containing their fresh smelling magic and I'm proud.

Even though it does take me 20 minutes to assume the appearance of a greased-up pig.


  1. LOL You know, I am the head of cosmetics in a large department store, and should (for work purposes, only!) be horrified with a text like yours! :D
    The thing with make up and creams of all sorts is feeling good about oneself. The creams should make YOU feel good and they should be pleasant to use. In other words, if you don't enjoy it, why pay money for it and why bother?
    You probably are quite a girl without all the hassle anyway. :))

  2. He he he! Anti-death cream. I've been using moisturiser for years, but have just discovered anti-wrinkle serum. Oh, the joy!

  3. I am like your previous incarnation - never used to wear much make up, now don't wear any, ever. I am moderately inspired to think about trying by your recommendation, but probably won't. I don't really care what I look like (up to a point), and I don't think I'd feel any better by spending money on stuff that I don't think makes any real difference. And it's a lot of hassle and takes time that I don't have!

    Interesting that the head of cosmetics doesn't claim the creams have any objective benefit...

  4. I never used to wear much but read that women get better visibility in the workplace if they just wear a bit so have started on tinted moisturiser and mascara each day - and it does help me feel more 'together'

  5. LOL. I almost wet my pants. Thanks for the facial workout. Exercise sorted for today :)

  6. does a bit of moisturiser every other day count... as for make up, I wear none either. About every 2 years I make a resolution to try and fail each time. It's still on my to do list, mainly because at least 2 people have looked at my wedding photos and said (honestly) 'you never really learnt the lesson about how much better you look with make up, did you?'

  7. LOL, must look into this famous anti-wrinkle stuff, I'm starting to look like an old road map. haven't bothered with anything for years and years now, though when I was about 17 I could have worn blue eye shadow and big hair for England. I have sleep'n' wear hair too, so a quick wash and I'm good to go.

  8. Sounds like me - no makeup etc. I now have problems applying eye makeup wearing my glasses! Can't see a thing close up without them! Must try the moisturizer bit though - I have plenty of it in store, or in those free satchets you get with mags.

    Keep up the good (nightly) work.

  9. I could have written this myself!

    I was called upon to go somewhere swanky last month and it had been so long since I'd applied any slap, I couldn't remember where it was, and still haven't found it.

    It wouldn't have made much of an improvement, like you, I haven't a clue what to do with it anyway.

    You have so cheered me up...I thought it was just me.


  10. Enjoyed that post.

    I often wonder how much time I would save every single day if I didn't faff around with makeup / cleanser / sunscreen / moisturiser.

    So welcome to the world of extra packing when travelling anywhere - so much STUFF!


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